Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Friendship.

Friendship.
One of those things that can be so wonderful, but can just as easily be a bad thing.
I've had to do some reevaluating of a particular friendship in my life lately, and it has been emotionally draining.


I'm a people pleaser.
I want everyone to be happy.
I would rather myself be upset, than someone else.

But sometimes you have to cut ties.
Sometimes you have to end things once and for all to better yourself, and ultimately the other person in the end.

Me and this particular friend were best friends, dated for close to four years, then broke up and continued to be friends. But as I've been trying to venture out, and date other people it's ended up causing a lot of tension in our friendship. He's still had feelings for me, while I've moved on. Sometimes I feel like it's just easier to break up and have a clean break than try to salvage a friendship from a relationship like that.

Our friendship had become toxic. 
It did nothing but bring me down, constantly make me feel insulted, and make me angry.
Constant fighting,
Over insignificant stuff.

It's just so hard to sever ties when you have great memories, and a long history together. I don't want to make someone's heart break, and I hate seeing someone's tears because of me hurting them. But sometimes you just have to do it, and it's brought me so much relief. I feel like I'm free.

It's been amazing to me how God has really put new people in my life to help me realize just how damaging this friendship was. Our friendship had become verbally abusive in the sense that he said things to me that no one should ever have to hear. Ever. I don't deserve to be talked to like that, and no one does. It took someone else coming along to make me realize how bad things had become, and how much I don't deserve it.

Just as old doors close, new ones open.
And I'm looking forward to seeing where these new doors lead.


18 comments:

Neely said...

Friend you will go through this again and again as you get older. Its funny cause when I was in high school and early college I thought I had soooo many friends. As I got older I realized a lot of these people were not friends. Some I had to let go. Its good that you learning this now :)

riana. said...

I'm going through a similar thing right now..but I just don't know what I should do.
we've been together 4 years as well....not sure...
how did you make your decision?

Arielle Hattan said...

Hun I'm so happy for you. I know this break must have been very hard for you but it is what YOU needed. YOU deserve to be happy and if that person doesn't want to make YOUR happiness a priority then they don't deserve to be in YOUR life. Have a wonderful day sunshine! :)

Kristen said...

I can relate to this, but the friendships I had to let go of weren't with guys. You both change and grow apart, and it happens despite how long you've been friends. You're doing the right thing!

Abbey S said...

I'm so glad to hear you're standing up for yourself, even though doing so really hurts and is so hard. But I know you're a wonderful girl, so you don't deserve anything he's saying to put you down, and you don't need that toxic influence in your life. So, so happy for you choosing what's right for you.

Megan said...

You go girl! I'm so proud of you for making a such a tough decision like this and having the guts to share it with us. It's a hard situation to be in, but know you're doing the right thing and that you have a ton of support. I know these new doors opening will lead you to something wonderful!

Amber said...

I am so happy you are doing what's best for you. No reason to keep toxic people in your life!

Heather said...

Good for you for ending a toxic friendship. I know it hurts, but sometimes it's all for the good! I'm currently dealing with a "user" friend, the one who only calls/texts when they need something!

Jordan said...

As you know from one of my previous posts, I can definitely relate. I have a really hard time completely cutting someone out of my life. Like you, I'm a people pleaser. I hate having someone mad at me or hurting someones feelings. Sometimes it's for the best and it sounds like this is one of those situations.

Ally Garner said...

Oh Leslie. I'm so very sorry. The best advice my Mom gave me years ago was that "there's no such thing as having too many friends, or too much love." But when someone stops being a friend and treating you with love, you have to move on. God never intended us to live in a toxic situation. My Mom was right - that's why closing the door on a friendship is so difficult and painful. But praise God for new beginnings, and ushering people into your life that will uplift, encourage & love you! I've said this before... the man that lands your heart will have to be someone supremely special and one lucky son of a gun ;) Wishing you happiness & joy my friend!

Kristin said...

good for you to close that door!

Portuguese Prepster said...

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. Sadly, it does sound like a friendship that needs to be cut out. Staying friends with exs can be so complicated and generally I've found it usually leads to more problems! Hope your feeling better!

Jamie said...

Giving up even toxic friendships is really hard...

Taylor said...

Look how much support you have here:)
We've all been there, really. It isn't an easy thing to do but is totally necessary, and you're the best judge of that! Good for you. It's definitely raining and you're always questioning yourself...it's almost like an out of body experience at times. But it was for the best! Your happiness matters more.
Xo

Kristyn said...

I am debating about cutting ties with one of my oldest girl friends and I struggle with that decision all the time. Do I let her go? Do I not? Is it worth it to me to keep "being her friend" when we don't ever spend time together? She has never been abusive toward me, but it's like I don't exist to her. Anyways, I'm glad you were able to buck up and say goodbye to him. It sounds like the best! I am a new follower as well.

Melonie said...

Your good attitude is refreshing. You seem to be on the right track by recognizing what makes you happy. It is never easy to see someone else hurt but in the end they will find their happiness that is meant for them also. You keep going!!

MandaJ said...

Definitely can relate to this. Friendships can be so bittersweet.
Eat Cake

Katie said...

So hard to give up friends who have been such a huge part of your life. But, we have to do it sometimes. I just had to recently as well. I miss her but realize that I'm better off without her dragging me down. Glad that you're taking steps to make sure you're respected, and all your friends are true friends!